Helping Children Cope with Euthanasia
Helping your child understand and accept that the time has come to help their pet pass away is a very important and often difficult thing to do. It is natural for parents to try to protect their children from grief, but in doing this, we miss the opportunity to teach a valuable lesson about coping with the painful reality of death.
 
Children‘s pets are often considered best friends, confidants and playmates. The pain a child feels at the loss of their pet can results in feelings of insecurity, anxiety, anger, guilt, helplessness, distrust and fear.
 
How can I help my child deal with euthanasia?
  • Be open and honest. Tell your child as soon as you know what is going to happen so that they do not hear it from anyone else.
  • Inform others, like teachers or friends, what is going on in your child‘s life so that they can offer support and understanding.
  • Avoid using the phrase “put to sleep” as this is confusing and misleading to a child that assumes when we sleep, we will wake up again.
  • Offer explanations and be available to answer questions, but be careful not to tell your child more than he/she wants to know. Do not go into detail unless they ask. Children need to know that grief is normal and that it is okay to cry and feel sad.
  • Do not put a time limit on your child‘s grief. If your child does not seem to be feeling better in three to six months, you should consult your pediatrician or a mental health professional.
  • Explain to your child that adults feel sad, too. Make sure he/she understands that it is the pet‘s death that is making you sad and not something he/she did. Children will often blame themselves for a parent‘s sadness. Reassure your child that there wasn‘t anything he/she could do to help their pet. Help young children understand why euthanasia is necessary. For example, you might say, “Fluffy‘s body is so old that it just won‘t work anymore.”
  • If children are old enough to understand, include them in the decision making process. This will give them the opportunity to say goodbye and to make the most of the time they have left with their pet.
  • Do not force your children to be present during the euthanasia as many are not psychologically ready for this kind of experience. If your child wants to be there, make sure he/she understands that they are helping their pet die with dignity. You must also make sure your child understands what will be happening during the procedure. This is not recommended for young children. Regardless of the age of the child, know that having your children with you will change the experience for you, too.
  • Hold a memorial service for your pet that the whole family can participate in.
  • Do not get another pet too soon. Give children time to work through the grieving process. You may need time yourself as well. Mourning the loss of a pet can actually bring the whole family closer and become a time to reflect on how much you love each other.
 
How can I help my child to remember his/her pet?
There are several different ways for children to remember their pets.  Suggest any of the following activities to help your child through the grief process.
 
  • Draw or write about your pet. Include a description of his or her personality. Was your pet shy, happy, playful, cuddly, funny, a good listener?
  • What do you miss about your pet? Is there something you miss the most? What did you learn from him/her? Write it down so that you can remember.
  • Talk to adults about your feelings.
  • Try to do some things now that make you feel good.
  • Much of the material in this handout was obtained from the book "Saying Good-bye to the Pet You Love "by Lorri Greene, Ph.D. and Jacquelyn Landis. We encourage anyone seeking more information about these or other pet loss topics to refer to this excellent resource.
 
Other resources:
  • "Dog Heaven" by Cynthia Rylant, Scholastic Trade (1995), best for ages 4-8
  • "Cat Heaven" by Cynthia Rylant, Scholastic Trade (1997), best for ages 4-8
  • "I‘ll Always Love You" by Hans Wilhelm, Crown Publishing Group (1989), best for ages 4-8
  • "The Tenth Good Thing About Barney" by Judith Viorst, Simon and Schuster (1975), best for ages 4-8
  • "A Special Place for Charlee: A Child's Companion Through Pet Loss" by Debra Morehead, Partners in Publishing LLC (1996), best for ages 4-12
  • "Remembering My Pet" by Nechama Liss-Levinson, Ph.D. and Rev. Molly Phinney Baskette, M.Div. (2007), best for ages 7-13
  • "A Child‘s View of Grief" by Alan Wolfelt, Ph.D., Companion Press (1999)
  • "Healing the Bereaved Child" by Alan Wolfelt, Ph.D., Companion Press (1996)
  • "When Your Pet Dies: Dealing With Your Grief and Helping Your Children Cope" by Christine Adamec, iUniverse Incorporated (2000)